were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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