mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
