who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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