Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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