So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
