I wish I only lived at night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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