Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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