Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
