After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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