she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FUCK WHALES
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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