toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
