We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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