Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
