I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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