When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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