Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
