I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
