I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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