I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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