Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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