I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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