i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
