So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
