It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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