I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
