She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
