The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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