His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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