i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
