youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
