I can text with my tongue
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
