you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
