youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
