If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
