Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
