24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
