Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
