I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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