There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
