I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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