i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
