Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
