at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
