I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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