you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
