The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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