areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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