This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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