He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
