Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
