Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
