his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
