Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
