hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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