What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
