You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
