we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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