my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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