you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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