great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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